Here is just a random thought I was having this morning after I dropped the kids off and I had 5 minutes of sanity before going to work. My baby is going to be a year old in 3 short months. How did this happen? Then I thought about Dylan's first birthday and how much he has grown into a little man. The realization that he's my only son and will always and forever be my only son sank in. He amazes me everyday how intelligent he is. He was talking about the solar system yesterday. He is very mechanical and likes to watch how things work and how to put things together, I think that is the engineer in his blood. He's also shy but not to the point where he couldn't take charge (believe me the boy can take charge). He's going to be 5 soon. Holy moly I've been at this parenting thing for almost 5 years!
Then I thought of tiny Brynnie. My true peanut. She's a fiesty little devil who is more independent than I would like her to be, who battles me on a daily basis but when I look at her little face, with her glasses perched at the tip of her nose, I can't do anything but smile. She's going to be 3 soon and I honestly don't know where the time has gone. She exhibits everything you hear a middle child is but I hope that her personality now is going to make her a leader and a strong-willed, independent woman (I truly pray).
Then there's Emily. My sweet Emme who came into this world a little bit earlier than planned, who scared me to death and made my faith in God stronger, is going to be a year. She's the happiest baby in the world who can sit for hours and entertain herself with any toy you put in front of her. She's patient and I can tell going to be a little mush. She's into everything now and I watch her as she's getting braver and braver. She's starting to stand on her own without holding anything and it won't be long before she's sprinting around my house.
I want to savor every single minute of their lives but there's just not enough time. If I could, I swear I would freeze time so they could stay this age. Being back to work full time, and having to put the girls in daycare everyday and Dylan being in school has me torn. Am I doing the right thing? Am I spending enough time with them? Do they miss me as much as I miss them? The guilt really consumes me some days. I shared my feeling yesterday with my best friend and she said "it's not about the quanity of the time you spend with your kids, it's about the QUALITY". I never thought of it that way and honestly she made me feel so much better.
I'm not saying having three kids is the easiest thing in the world. If anything, it's the hardest job anyone could have (and I know my husband agrees with me about that). Another birthday is coming. Another party to plan. But this one is a special one and the last first birthday party I'll ever plan.
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3 comments:
That's so sweet! You should print it out and save it for them as they get older! I couldn't have said it any better - I think I am super nostalgic and thinking back to this time last year when I was still pregnant with Annie and hard to believe in just about 6 weeks, she is going to be a year! There's a deep sadness in knowing it is your last one and at the same time an excitement to see who this little person will become as you see your older kiddos and how they have grown.
I do have time to think now that I don't have someone yelling "mommy" at me all day long. Sometimes I think I have too much time. Last month I thought I made this huge mistake having a tubal but then I look at all three kids and know that it was the best thing in the world and I have to appreciate what I HAVE and not what I COULD have...God gives us what we can handle and I think i'm blessed.
Can you believe that this time last year we were picking names and discussing Pre E???? Wierd right? Seems like it was yesterday honestly. Give those girls of yours smoooches!!!
awww.... I agree. Print it and keep it. It's always hard to know what the right decision is. you and I both know how hard three is. I think I would be in an insane asslym if I wasn't out of the house. And maybe you feel the same way. So know that even though they aren't with you ALL of the time. It probbably is the best for everyone. (In my case anyway!)
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